I love me some movies. I love going to the movie theater (often going by myself because I chew my popcorn too loud), I used to love rainy days at summer camp (aka Movie Days), and despite being bamboozled and hoodwinked several dozen times by movie trailers, I still love watching ‘em. I’m a sucker.

Since rolling out our new recurring features on the blog, I’ve noticed a MAJOR hole – no movies! Well, allow me to plug that hole with majestic, maddening, and maniacally funny trailers that will get you excited, turn up the hype, and, most likely, disappoint you upon viewing the full-length product.

This week, we have provocative promos from the Kick-Ass sequel, the epic conclusion to The Hangover trilogy, sophomore efforts from Star Trek Into Darkness and Will Smith’s After Earth, Emma Watson sticking her tongue out and much more. Grab some popcorn and enjoy the abridged show.

The Hangover Part III via FanReviews

It’s pretty much a given that Part II wasn’t as good as we all hoped. That’s not to say it was a total disappointment, but the carbon copy formula really bothered a lot of people. The good news is they’re veering from the formula this time ’round and from the looks of this trailer, they pretty much nailed it. Is it just a given that the second installment of trilogies will forever suck and the third ‘episode’ will be the best? Kick Ass 2 begs to differ.

Kick Ass 2 Red Band Trailer via FanReviews

Hit Girl’s now 15, yet she’s as adult as ever, throwing around “f-bombs” and “c-suckers”. It feels like the movie is no longer about the titular character, as he’s lost in the mix, dwarfed by his “supporting” cast.

We get to see Jim Carrey as Colonel Stars & Stripes. I’m not completely sold on his comeback tour just yet. I really want Burt Wonderstone to be his re-introduction to immortality, but my big fat gut says it’ll be this performance that gets everyone back on the Carrey Express.

McLov… Christopher Mintz-Plasse returns but is no longer Red Mist, now calling himself “The Motherf*cker”. And now he wants revenge. I’m all for calling him motherf*cker instead of McLovin’. I’ll even opt for shortening his full name to “ChriMP”. As in “Don’t Chrimp my style.” Let’s move on, people.

The Bling Ring Teaser Trailer via FanReviews

It must be tough working in show biz. You can’t really talk to anyone about your projects. Is it coincidence that Spring Breakers and The Bling Ring come out in the same year within months of each other? Two stories that, sure, have different locations, but interchangeable characters and plots? Hot chicks stealing stuff. I’m not knocking it, just don’t saturate the market, Other Producers.

That said, if this trend catches on I look forward to seeing other buttoned up young actresses lose their buttons and walk on the wild side. But the robbing at some point will get old.

Star Trek Into Darkness Trailer #2 via FanReviews

I’m not a Star Trek fan but I really liked J.J. Abrams’ first effort and this one looks like it’ll be just as good if not better. J.J. himself says the 2009 iteration will pale in comparison to this release. Anyone else watch the clip of Kirk squeezing the ship through a tight space? Would you consider that a rip-off or tribute to the Millenium Falcon shooting the gap scene from Star Wars?

After Earth Trailer #2 via FanReviews

It’s no secret that I have a soft spot for post-apocalyptic sci-fictioners. Mix in a father-son dynamic and I’m pretty much sold on this cinematic adventure. I know it won’t happen, but I’m hoping Will Smith crash lands back on Earth and some sort of animal or alien punches him in the face and yells, “Welcome to Earf!” Consider your tables turned, Fresh Prince.

Erased via FanReviews

I’m kinda surprised I haven’t heard more about this. It’s been hitting theaters internationally since September 2012 and will make its US debut on May 10th in a limited run. The original title was “The Expatriate” but my guess is the execs didn’t think the gernal public would know what that words means. It stars Aaron “Two Face” Eckhart as an ex-CIA agent who is forced on the run with his estranged daughter when his employers erase all records of his existence, and mark them both for termination as part of a wide-reaching international conspiracy.

Olga Kurylenko also stars, which means I’ll miss half the exposition because I’m too focused on what our honeymoon would be like.

The Host via Teaser-Trailer

So, that Stephanie Meyer – author of the Twilight “Saga” – sure has a hot streak going. I watched the first Twilight and almost lost my lunch when I saw the baseball scene. But, this looks way way better. Especially with Diane Kruger kicking in doors (and my heart). Return my calls, Diane.

Danny Boyle’s Trance via Teaser-Trailer

I’ve pretty much had my fill with heists and crime capers – that is until it’s hot chicks doing (see Spring Breakers and The Bling Ring), but I’m a fan of Danny’s work, so I might give this a go. It stars James McAvoy as “an art auctioneer who has become mixed up with a group of criminals and partners with a hypnotherapist in order to recover a lost painting”. All I can think about when I see this trailer is The Thomas Crown Affair. On a slightly related note, are all rich people insane?

Joss Whedon’s Much Ado About Nothing via FanReviews

I’ve got a confession. I didn’t read 95% of the books assigned to me in school. Why? I had a serious problem with falling asleep while reading. I read now, but I missed out on a lot of the “classics” like this one. On a side note, I blame The Artist for this movie being in black and white. F’n A, Joss Whedon. Even people from the B&W Era are pissed.

To The Wonder via Teaser-Trailer

After visiting an island commune in Normandy, France, a couple played by Ben “Fear the Beard” Affleck and Olga “Exposition Ruiner” Kurylenko come to Oklahoma, where problems arise. She meets a priest and fellow exile played by Jarvier Bardem, who is struggling with his vocation, while Ben’s character renews his ties with a childhood friend played by Rachel McAdams.

It premiered at the 2012 Venice Film Festival, went on to screen at the Toronto Film Fest, and is set to hit the US on April 12th. I know critics loved director Terrence Malick’s last effort, The Tree of Life, but I had to turn it off. It felt like a glorified art / film school project. Like, look how many techniques and shots I can cram into a 3 hour movie about a dad who’s a dick. That’s harsh, but I’m just being honest. This is also coming from a guy who almost sat through Freddy Got Fingered. Almost.

Let us know if we missed any in the comments.

***

WRITTEN BY: Neal – Managing Editor of Dailymotion’s Sports, Comedy, Viral, News, and Geek Out Channels.