Official Users On top 09/25/2012
7 Celebrity Comic Books That Shouldn’t Exist (Plus 3 That Should)
September 25th is National Comic Book Day. And even with the internet, print comic books still sell. Meanwhile, celebs plaster their name on colognes, clothing lines, energy drinks and adult beverages, so why not have the ultimate ego stroke by appearing in a comic book?
Of course, there are a handful of celebs that have no right getting the glorified glossy treatment … and maybe a couple that should. Check out our list and support your local comic book store if you can tolerate it.
7 THAT SHOULDN’T
1. ONE DIRECTION
There is no ceiling to the earning potential of One Direction. The sky isn’t even the limit. How can I tell? They’re in a frickin’ comic book. Proof positive that they could sell anything. Point me to one of their fans who’s read 1 line of 1 comic book before One Direction made this announcement, and I’d point to a liar. I’ve already listed one of their super powers – the power to sell anything with their name attached – how about the power to be as effeminate as possible and still have every tween girl on the planet lose their minds? They’re already used to wearing skinny jeans, so tights shouldn’t be a problem. Justice League? No Just Us League.
I wouldn’t put Coldplay in the same category as One Direction, but they’re pretty damn close. They don’t exactly inspire the inner hero in all of us. I don’t see them swinging from webs, chucking giant hammers, or firing energy beams from their eyeballs. Coldplay’s what you put on when you’re looking out your rain-soaked window after an emo break-up, not the soundtrack to your revenge.
Oddly enough, Radiohead would make for a really awesome villain clan.
3. MIKE ‘THE SITUATION’ SORRENTINO
I can’t blame Mike. Dude knows he’s operating on a very narrow window, so he’s squeezing his fame to the very last drop. I can understand the vodka. I just can’t understand the comic book. Maybe I could see tween girls buying the One Direction comic because they’ll buy anything, but meatheads and guidos buying a comic book about a guy who constantly flashes his abs and headbutts walls? His super power is gossip, back-stabbing, and drama? Can you imagine being the illustrator on that project? Now, the J-Woww comic book… that’s got potential (and plenty of material for the fantasy file).
4. STEVE JOBS
Yeah, I know. Apple fanatics think he’s a god. But I can’t picture the print version doing very well. It’d have to be digital and exclusive to the Apple products. But only a new Apple product that is over-hyped and disappointing to those not blinded by idolatry. For this to work, he’d have to be a Magneto-like character – one that can control technology. Who’s the villain? Gates? Apparently, he has his own comic, too. A crossover would be nerd overload. Hulk smash everything.
Like a nightmare, she’ll take you there. Something like this might have done well in the 80s, with her non-conformist, in-your-face act fighting off the uptight powers that be. Battling for equality, justice, etc. Wearing sleek leather bodysuits and over-the-top revealing outfits. Now, though? Eh. Using her British accent to confuse people? Scaring off enemies with her ultra-defined arms?
6. PRINCE HARRY
If drunken escapades in Vegas are enough to land you your own comic book then I’m Batman.
7. PRINCESS DI
I’m not even touching this one.
3 THAT SHOULD
1. LADY GAGA
Gaga was originally considered to be the Madonna of the 21st Century, but she’s different. I could easily see this comic being successful. The first heroine to buck the trend of wearing one costume the entire time plus she’s got an Army of Monsters. Her life IS a comic book. If it isn’t a movie by 2014, something’s wrong.
2. KATY PERRY
At first, I thought this should end up in the ‘shouldn’t’ pile. I thought she didn’t have the outrageous appeal that Gaga does, but then I remembered that California Gurls music video with the whip cream cannons coming out of her coconuts and I looked past the lack of substance. She’s practically Wonder Woman as is.
3. LINDSAY LOHAN
Is she a villain or an anti-hero? You could create an entire narrative about how she’s being framed by some secret organization who’s constantly drugging her up to prevent her from reaching full superpower potential. Kind of like when Superman went bad in Superman III (the movie).
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